You know what doesn’t define me?
What I eat in a day. How much I exercise. What size pants (or if we’re being honest, leggings) I’m rocking. What the scale says. How you think my body looks compared to anyone else.
…But for nearly 20 years, This was how I measured my worth.
My days used to look very different than they do now. Each morning I’d hop hop on the scale, squinting my eyes shut and begging, “please, please, PLEASE!” to the scale gods, imploring them to make the make the number just a teeeensy bit less than the day before. I’d get dressed, shaking my head at the sizes listed on the tags of my shirt and pants, fantasizing about how happy I would be when they were smaller. On my way out the door I’d pass the mirror, stop (because you can’t NOT STOP, right?) and say, “Disgusting.”
Meals took three times longer than they should have because of scanning barcodes and searching for ingredients in my calorie tracker. Each “bad choice” meant repenting through runs or high-intensity workouts. I spent hours each on week Pinterest night searching for low-carb vegan meals, WHICH as it turns out…is basically just vegetables.
But alllllll this would come to an end once I got to that goal weight. Because it wasn’t the goal that was the problem, it was ME. Once I defeated my own gluttony, THEN I could put myself out there and live the life I wanted.
The turning point was a date night gone horribly, horribly wrong. After an evening of dinner and drinks, I found myself crumpled on my bedroom floor in tears, crying to my husband, “How can you love me when I’m this FAT?! It doesn’t make any sense!” And somehow, he was able to break through to me in that moment, telling me that my self-hatred had gone far enough and I had to find help. I turned to a coach who guided and supported me through intuitive eating and have never looked back.
Let’s level-set some expectations, shall we? I don’t see pictures of myself and freak out over how GREAT my body looks. Nor do I NEVER compare my body to another person’s. Sometimes I still feel uncomfortable in my skin and dislike the way a piece of clothing fits (or doesn’t really fit). But here are the victories practicing intuitive eating has given me:
Not thinking about my body at all
Noticing how my body is supporting me in my daily activities, like running errands, walking my pup, or doing yoga
Eating what sounds good when I’m hungry without worrying about calories or carbs
Thinking neutral thoughts when I overeat
Abandoning the belief that certain physical activities “don’t count”
Not noticing or judging the bodies of others
More brain space freed up to focus on people and things I care about
…and most importantly, feeling like I deserve to put myself out into the world just as I am in this. very. moment.
I want all this and more for you, too, because finding happiness independent of our relationship to our physical body is something we ALL deserve!
SOME OTHER STUFF
Formerly of Mississippi, northwest Ohio, and Columbus…now a resident of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio and have never felt more at home.
Education and Certifications:
BA in Music from Otterbein University
MBA from Capital University
Health Coach Certification from the ICF-Accredited Health Coach Institute - In Progress
200-Hour Yoga Teacher Training - In progress
Just Be Aware That:
There is a quote or scene from The Office or Parks and Recreation that can be applied to every situation.
I’m not sure I’d work without coffee.
Sometimes I stare at my dog and cry because I love him so much (I have a lot of feelings).
I will try to put an avocado on nearly everything I eat.
My wonderful husband and I are happiest when sitting at a craft brewery, preferably near Lake Michigan.
I’m a Type 9 Enneagram, Scorpio, Obliger, and ESFJ. I also obviously like personality tests.